Thursday, March 3, 2011

part 2

His day started pretty normally, and he received only one glare from Quinn, after asking a customer about a cake they were carrying. That’s when she walked in. “hmm. Not a regular... for once” he thought to himself. He stood behind the till, waiting for her to make her order. She was pondering over the menu sign above.
            “i am new at this whole, fancy coffee thing.” She said with a voice that could melt butter. “i was wondering if there are any drinks you would recommend?”   “uhhhhhh” he stammered in response. This was a new question to him. He was just the worker, no one asked him what they should get. He took a quick look around the store for Quinn. He must be outback. “well, the mocha latte is my favourite. Especially if you add hazelnut.” She flashed a friendly smile, making eye contact, and pausing just a little too long. “b-but, its kind of expensive.”  She was still smiling at him. What was she thinking about? Probably making fun of his selection. Could there be a girlier drink? “it sounds delicious. I’ll take one”
            He rang her up, and turned around to make it. He wasn’t sure why, but he noticed how much effort he was putting into this drink. Actually taking the time to stir the hazelnut in, circling the whipped cream, and spreading out the chocolate shavings, instead of a hasty clump in the center. When he turned back, she was watching very intently. “careful... its probably hot.” Was the only cheesey thing he could mutter to the girl. She thanked him, and blessed him with one more smile before leaving.
            “you’re a fool” he argued to himself. “she was gorgeous. Those smiles were simply being polite. She didn’t think you were cute. You’re wearing a god damned collar shirt with a visor to match.” “yes, but the eye contact. That was a seller. Smiles are nice, eye contact like that is extra” his self debate was cut short when Quinn came back out front.
            “WILL! What the hell are you doing lollygagging around? Do I pay you to stand there and look pretty? I sure as hell hope not! Get working’! mop the floor, wash some dishes, grind some new chocolate. I don’t care, just get busy!” and with that, Quinn grabbed his jacket and was out the door. Luckily there were no customers standing around to see that ‘colorful display’, although it wouldn’t be a first for ‘ol Quinn to fly off the handle with an audience to witness.
Will decided he would mop the floor, this was a easy task that took no real thought or effort. The rest of his shift crawled past, with not even another exciting outburst from Quinn, or hardly a customer to pass the time. By 3:00, when his shift had ended, Will had (slowly even) mopped, washed every table, cleaned all of the mugs and blenders, shaved the whole hunk of chocolate, and even dusted off the lights. He felt proud of his work, although he knew no one would notice.

19 comments:

  1. this was very well written, good job keep it up

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  2. nice writting keep up the good work.

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  3. Nicely written, I got often samekind of situation where you don't know what girl wants signal with the smile :p

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  4. Are you, by any chance, narrating your own life lol?
    Sounds like the tales of a Starbucks barrista to me haha.

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  5. Well done, did you take the name Quinn from Terry O'quinn. Perhaps it's a common name. hmm....

    Followed, I need some short stories to read when I'm bored.

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  6. Bears take direct eye contact as a threat. If the customer had secretly been a bear, Will would be dead now. Good story though :)

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  7. Nice writing, could develop into something literary good. Also, do you prefer to receive audience hints (like "this seems real, but that doesn't")?I moght have some, but don't want to trouble the writer.

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  8. Very good writing. It seems well thought out

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  9. Yeah nice easy read, and interesting. Keep it up :)

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  10. Did you write this yourself ?

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  11. yes, i wrote this myself. and thanks for the praise everyone. :)

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  12. you should consider a writing competition. I think you'll do well.

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  13. Nice! Keep up the good work! Following

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  14. really?
    besides forced work in english classes, this is my first story i have written. :)

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  15. Frappuccinos are iced beverages. Or was he really that nervous?

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  16. dammit.

    i just picked a fancy sounding drink.

    xD
    i'll change that

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  17. I'm thinking about Quinn - when he orders Will around he's clearly enjoying hinself so much that it must be the reason he orders Will around. He's a bit grumpy. That doesn't go well with the description of Quinn as a ruthless owner who only goes after the money in the last paragraph of part one. I recommend that you pick one of these types and stick to it to make the story more realistic, instead of building Quinn simply as 'the bad guy' (even if you plan on adding his human side later). Hope it's helpful, I'm waiting for part 4 now.

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